More on Leone-
Well, I have been doing some soul searching regarding Leone and this whole mess. I've decided (with the help of conversations with Mom and Matt) that I need to first, sit down with Caterina and find out exactly what my job description is. It might sound weird to say this nearly one month into my stay here, but I believe there is something fundamentally at odds with what I am expected to actually do and what Caterina wishes me to do. For starters, she wants me to change Leone for the better. She told me this on the first day I got here. She says things that make it very clear to me that Leone is a wild hellian with little to no respect for most things. I find myself that he is a boy of absolutely dismal levels of moral character. It has been interesting for me these past few weeks because every night I read a few dozen pages from The Autobiography of Theodore Roosevelt, and one thing which he repeats over and over and over is his belief in appointing, befriending, and generally associating himself with men who possess the characteristics of honesty, responsibility, and who do not skirt their duties. This nightly reading juxtaposed with Leone's daily behavior makes his faults in these areas all the more apparent. He will lie any chance he gets, about stupid and/or inconsequential things without any regard to the obviousness of the lie. He'll also lie about important things. He lies without fear of getting punished for being caught. One good example is Thursday, October 12th. Leone had received 4 progress reports in the mail, saying he was failing 4 of his classes. Since Caterina had been out of town all week, this was something serious that was looming on the horizon but had been temporarily shoved aside while she was gone. On Thursday when I picked up Leone from school we had to immediately go to the airport to pick up Caterina, something Leone was fearing. As soon as he gets in the car he says “JIMMY I have to go home RIGHT NOW I have sooooo much homework to do, I can't go to the airport I need to start RIGHT NOW! If you don't take me straight home and I don't finish my homework it will be YOUR FAULT!!”
Scenario One: I do what Leone requests. This means an hour drive from his school to Montespertoli and then another hour drive back into Firenze to get Caterina (All the while she's waiting at the airport for her ride), then another hour drive back to Montespertoli.
Scenario Two: I go straight to the airport, pick up Caterina and we all drive back to Montespertoli, delaying Leone's homework at max 20 minutes.
Obviously the first scenario is ridiculous. I told Leone this and that it was ridiculous of him to suggest it and that if he really needed time that badly he could start his homework in the car. He got mad at me and refused to talk to me. He also tried to give me incorrect directions to the airport, but I was too clever for him. Anyway, as soon as his mom gets in the car he starts talking about how he's excited that he can finally watch TV again. When I confront him with the fact that he's not watching any TV if he has all this homework to do, he dismissively admits that he hasn't any homework at all. He would have had me drive two additional hours simply to temporarily avoid confrontation with his mom. Which, as it turned out wasn't even bad and as far as I can see, nothing has occurred. As I type this it is Friday night and Leone is at a friend's house spending the night.
It is obvious to me now that any attempt of mine to put my foot down and enforce some sort of regulation or discipline on Leone is treated with contempt by both Leone and Caterina. The rest of the household I think sees this as a laudible attempt but futile in the end. Once or twice I've caught Virginia harboring Leone in the study, remaining silent as I look for him but knowing perfectly well that he is hidden behind a couch or something, so that he could watch TV illigitimately. The point being, if I want to make an attempt to help Leone become someone that is actually able to function in society, I need to first find out if that is what I'm supposed to do, and then I need to make sure I have the family's support. Otherwise, as wise old Wanda Sneller said, this will never work. It is impossible to change Leone's habits if they are not discouraged on every level. Maybe, though, that is not what I am here to do after all. Maybe this is just a nice idea which Caterina pays lip service to but is not actually interested in. Maybe she just wants someone to tell Leone once what he should be doing and then do it for him given the eventuality of his noncompliance. If that is the case, I will be thoroughly disappointed. I want to be able to look back on my time here with some feeling of accomplishment, not simply as some time I spent in Italy catering to a spoiled 13 year old. If I could only have enough influence to turn him into a reasonably honest man, I would consider it a success.
Well, I have been doing some soul searching regarding Leone and this whole mess. I've decided (with the help of conversations with Mom and Matt) that I need to first, sit down with Caterina and find out exactly what my job description is. It might sound weird to say this nearly one month into my stay here, but I believe there is something fundamentally at odds with what I am expected to actually do and what Caterina wishes me to do. For starters, she wants me to change Leone for the better. She told me this on the first day I got here. She says things that make it very clear to me that Leone is a wild hellian with little to no respect for most things. I find myself that he is a boy of absolutely dismal levels of moral character. It has been interesting for me these past few weeks because every night I read a few dozen pages from The Autobiography of Theodore Roosevelt, and one thing which he repeats over and over and over is his belief in appointing, befriending, and generally associating himself with men who possess the characteristics of honesty, responsibility, and who do not skirt their duties. This nightly reading juxtaposed with Leone's daily behavior makes his faults in these areas all the more apparent. He will lie any chance he gets, about stupid and/or inconsequential things without any regard to the obviousness of the lie. He'll also lie about important things. He lies without fear of getting punished for being caught. One good example is Thursday, October 12th. Leone had received 4 progress reports in the mail, saying he was failing 4 of his classes. Since Caterina had been out of town all week, this was something serious that was looming on the horizon but had been temporarily shoved aside while she was gone. On Thursday when I picked up Leone from school we had to immediately go to the airport to pick up Caterina, something Leone was fearing. As soon as he gets in the car he says “JIMMY I have to go home RIGHT NOW I have sooooo much homework to do, I can't go to the airport I need to start RIGHT NOW! If you don't take me straight home and I don't finish my homework it will be YOUR FAULT!!”
Scenario One: I do what Leone requests. This means an hour drive from his school to Montespertoli and then another hour drive back into Firenze to get Caterina (All the while she's waiting at the airport for her ride), then another hour drive back to Montespertoli.
Scenario Two: I go straight to the airport, pick up Caterina and we all drive back to Montespertoli, delaying Leone's homework at max 20 minutes.
Obviously the first scenario is ridiculous. I told Leone this and that it was ridiculous of him to suggest it and that if he really needed time that badly he could start his homework in the car. He got mad at me and refused to talk to me. He also tried to give me incorrect directions to the airport, but I was too clever for him. Anyway, as soon as his mom gets in the car he starts talking about how he's excited that he can finally watch TV again. When I confront him with the fact that he's not watching any TV if he has all this homework to do, he dismissively admits that he hasn't any homework at all. He would have had me drive two additional hours simply to temporarily avoid confrontation with his mom. Which, as it turned out wasn't even bad and as far as I can see, nothing has occurred. As I type this it is Friday night and Leone is at a friend's house spending the night.
It is obvious to me now that any attempt of mine to put my foot down and enforce some sort of regulation or discipline on Leone is treated with contempt by both Leone and Caterina. The rest of the household I think sees this as a laudible attempt but futile in the end. Once or twice I've caught Virginia harboring Leone in the study, remaining silent as I look for him but knowing perfectly well that he is hidden behind a couch or something, so that he could watch TV illigitimately. The point being, if I want to make an attempt to help Leone become someone that is actually able to function in society, I need to first find out if that is what I'm supposed to do, and then I need to make sure I have the family's support. Otherwise, as wise old Wanda Sneller said, this will never work. It is impossible to change Leone's habits if they are not discouraged on every level. Maybe, though, that is not what I am here to do after all. Maybe this is just a nice idea which Caterina pays lip service to but is not actually interested in. Maybe she just wants someone to tell Leone once what he should be doing and then do it for him given the eventuality of his noncompliance. If that is the case, I will be thoroughly disappointed. I want to be able to look back on my time here with some feeling of accomplishment, not simply as some time I spent in Italy catering to a spoiled 13 year old. If I could only have enough influence to turn him into a reasonably honest man, I would consider it a success.
posted by J.B.K. at 4:13 PM
5 Comments:
My theory has been, and based on this post continues to be that, leone is some spoiled brat, the dad is the only one who could do anything, but because he is secretly scared of the mom, has given up trying long ago, which is the path you will eventually descend down, and at this point doesnt care about much. While the mom concerned w/ appearances and what not, has hired an "american boy to help out around the house" because they have more money than they know what to do with, and no one else on the block has one.
please ignore the horrible run-on sentence in my previous post.... thanks.
I don't want to discourage your efforts, but to be realistic, you are just not going to be able to abruptly correct 13 years of faulty programing. That doesn't mean you can't be of influence. You need to be happy with effecting small changes for the better, and not hope for miracles. I know Catrina's personality. She is never going to allow you to disipline Leone like he needs to be. If she had the will and the desire to do so, she would have done it all along. To allow you to do so now involves her cedeing power over her son to you, which she doesn't even give her husband, and it also invalidates her approach and belief set about child raising. (Not necessarily the one she espouses, but the one she practices.)
Leone's lies are most likely symptomatic of some underlying problem. Perhaps he wants attention or he can't cope with demands at school. There should be consequences for the lies, but unless the underlying problem is addressed, he'll continue to lie. He can't feel very good about himself. Counseling would probably help--but you're not the one who can suggest that. Maybe his teacher will.
Which still leaves you with the problem of what steps exactly do you take? I agree with all your family's comments--it will be an uphill struggle. But you are right. The first thing to do is to outline, in writing, with the folks (preferably both) exactly what your job entails. Is it bringing breakfast and carting Leone to school? Is it making sure he's done his homework every night? Everything needs to be detailed. But, along with that, the question of what to do when Leone doesn't do what he should needs to be raised. Exactly what are the consequences for lying, for example? And who enforces them? And for how long? And how does he earn good things?
Again, I think a point sheet is your best tool. It is a communication tool, and is your chance to explain to Leone, who seems to want your approval, what will happen in the rest of his life, if he continues doing what he's doing.
Do not dismiss the idea of service--it has worked with lots and lots and lots of kids, by giving them a voice. I know you think that Leone has no interest, but you must present the idea with seriousness and a plan, which I can outline for you. Let me know when you have tried everything else. This will work.
What do his teachers say?
Mom
Post a Comment
<< Home